Unmysticizing Cohabitation (29 views) Subscribe   
   From:  Trent_Fuller (TrentFuller)    12/23/2002 12:50 pm  
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Unmysticizing Cohabitation
(All of these are taken from Focus on the Familys booklet called5 Reasons you need the Piece of Paper)  

By living together, we can see how well get along when were married.  Most couples who cohabit are more like dating partners than they are husband and wife.  And, living together often changes the way they feel about marriage (less enthusiastic) and about divorce (more accepting).  Married couples rely on each other more and are less likely to walk out.  Living together undermines both partners attitudes toward the one thing that ultimately keeps couples togethercommitment.  True commitment, as evidenced by marriage, is much more likely to endure through the tough times. 
But we are committed to each otherthats why were moving in!  Studies show that living together weakens your view of marriage and commitment.  In fact, affairs are twice as common among couples who live together than for married couples.  And, while marriage itself does increase commitment between cohabiting partners, those couples are still less sexually faithful after marriage than those married couples who did not live together first.  Commitment is more than just sharing living space.  It is a deep and lasting bond that says no matter what, Im sticking with you.  If you truly are committed to each other for the long haul, why wouldnt you make it official?  Whats holding you back?  Those who are really committed are willing to show it by going for that piece of paper.(Source: Journal of Marriage and the Family) 
Well be less likely to end up in divorce court.  This is true, but only if you consider the fact that 40% of live-ins never even get married!  For those who do get married, they have a 50% higher rate of divorce than married couples who do not live together first .  If you really want your relationship to last, why increase your risks that it wont?  Breaking up is painfuleven more so when you have been married or have lived together.  And each loss in your love life makes it harder for you to devote yourself to someone else in the future.  Protect your heart from heartache before you find yourself in this situation.  Full commitment in marriage decreases the likelihood of looking for the loop hole, in the arrangement.  But living together before marriage greatly increases your chances of divorce.  In short, if you want to lessen the chance of divorce, dont live together until youre married!(Source: Larry Bumpass, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 1991) 
But well be happier.  And we wont feel tied down. While it is true that some married couples dont live in bliss, its also true that couples who live together are, on average, far less happy than married couples (Stack & Eshleman, Journal of Marriage and the Family).  In fact, studies even show that married couples have fewer disagreements than couples who live together.  Studies show that marriage relationships are over all more fulfillingsexually and otherwisethan those between live-ins.  Despite what you hear on TV, married couples are the most physically and emotionally satisfied with their sex lives.Physical and sexual abuse is higher in cohabiting relationships than in married relationships.  Couples who live together display aggression at rates twice as high as married couples.  The marriage commitment results in a more complete and unreserved giving of oneself by both partners.  Marriage offers better sexual and emotional fulfillment. (Source: Jan Stets, Cohabitation & Marital Aggression, Journal of Marriage & the Family) 
Our children will be better off. Couples who live together are more likely to leave each other than those who marry, leaving kids smack in the middle of the break-up.  Fully three quarters of children born to live-in couples will see their partners split up before they reach age 16, compared to only 1/3 of children born to married parents.Children who live with their cohabiting parents are far more likely to be abused and live in poverty than children of married couples.  Many kids in these situations end up with behavioral problems, social difficulties, and low academic achievement.  The safest place for children is in a home where their parents are married to each other.  When it comes right down to it, you really do want the piece of paper.  It gives you and your future spouse the best chance at a great relationship, and the best chance that you will be there for your children.(Source: David Poponoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Should we live together? National Marriage Project: January 1999)
With love from above,

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